forgiveness and hope

So I have had this thing where I keep ONLY thinking about the future.

Like, I have so many questions.

Will I find someone to date when I come home who ISN’T a douchebag?

Will I have enough money to move to school in Utah?

Will any school in Utah even accept me or will I have to redo my stupid classes?

Will I get a job?

Will season 4 of Pretty Little Liars be on Netflix before I leave?

I kid, I kid.

But seriously I’ve just had this crappy load on me that is weighing me down. And today I was thinking about it. I mean, what’s the point? That’s in the summer of 2015. That is literally MILES away from where I am right now! And I haven’t even HAD my adventure yet.

I also remembered this thing today from a time I was on splits with the sister missionaries. One of those sisters in particular is honestly my favorite ever. I hope we can meet up después de nuestras misiones.

Anyways we were talking about hope and what it really means to have hope. I guess it’s different than just “Dang I hope Nico’s Tacos is open after 10” or “Wow I really hope U of A crushes ASU tonight”.

We came up with a definition. Hope is looking to the future with a positive outlook.

So rather than wanting something to happen, it’s just having a hope in Christ that he’ll watch out for us 🙂

Another burden I’ve been carrying is forgiveness. I have never really had to forgive anyone until recently. I have always just gotten out of situations where someone is causing me pain. I just leave so I don’t have to be hurt, and I never really forgive. I just forget about them. But recently I’ve had someone that I’ve had to forgive. For a lot of things in the past and the present. And on top of those things, this person has done other things that I have judged her for because of the things she’s done to me in the past. And it’s caused me a whole lot of hate for her.

I’ve been working on forgiving her but it’s been really hard. I can’t really get away from her, and I hear about her actions all the time. So i’ve been praying and reading about forgiveness and it hasn’t worked, until Sunday.

I went to her farewell talk in Sacrament meeting. I wasn’t very happy to be there, and the whole time I could barely look at her up on the stand. I was really, really struggling. I just thought hateful things about her the whole time. As the sacrament was passed around, I prayed one more time to have those feelings pass from me and to be able to enjoy Sacrament and make it through her talk. As she spoke, I finally saw her in a different light. I didn’t have those negative feelings anymore, and I even teared up a bit. I forced myself to give her a hug afterwards and I feel the healing power of forgiveness starting to work on me!!

Sure, I’m not really 100% yet. But I’m getting there, and I know that forgiveness is possible through the Spirit and the Lord’s Atonement. 🙂

Anyways, I hope this helps at least one little person out there 🙂 If not, at least I know it helped me. En el nombre de Jesucristo, amen.

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