I guess it’s time to explain.
I have been sick with an illness called valley fever for 1 1/2 years. Two Sundays ago, I was sitting with my companion in church when my chest started to feel like I was being stabbed. I could barely breathe and had to be rushed to the hospital. They told me that my lung was swollen up and was inflamed. They told me there was nothing they could do. Pain pills didn’t work. So they gave me a choice. To stay in Chile in pain, or to go home and recover. I prayed and fasted. I really thought about it more than any other decision. But I realized that my Heavenly Father would love me no matter what. And I know now that I couldn’t have helped His children when I was sick like that.
I have reached a point in my illness where I am being told that there is essentially nothing that anyone can do. I am kind of stuck with pain and being tired all the time.
I feel sad sometimes because it is hard to understand how to deal with a sickness like this. It is hard to accept that this is my life. It is hard when people don’t understand me. I try more than anything to not let my valley fever interfere with my life. If I am in pain, I try to hide it. If I am feeling sad, I still hang out with friends… I still get ready and do my thang. I don’t lay in bed rotting all day, and I think sometimes people don’t understand why if I’m “so sick” why I’m not dying in my bed.
But more than anything, I am sad sometimes because I miss my mission. I worked harder than I have ever worked for anything to go on my mission.
I loved my mission more than anything I have ever done in my life. I love the Chilean people, the Chilean culture. I loved my companions. I loved being so close to the Spirit.
BUT. I cannot deny the feeling I got when Heavenly Father let me know that I needed to come home. It was just a feeling of peace. A feeling that no matter what, it was going to be okay.
So here I am 🙂
Missing my Chile, but happy with my life and my choices 🙂
There is no cookie cutter life for members of the Church. Not every girl must go on a mission after high school, graduate with a bachelors in nursing or cosmetology from BYU, and get married in the Salt Lake Temple to a blonde return missionary, all before age 23.
No, that’s not how it always works in this life.
And even if that’s the life you want, sometimes that’s not what Heavenly Father has in store. I’ll tell ya right now my plan was NOT to have a debilitating illness for the past 2 years of my life that interrupted my mission and my entire future plans.
But ya know what? That’s where faith comes in. That right there is one thing I learned on my mission.
Faith. So simple and we talk about it all the time. Actually, almost every religion talks about faith as though it is built upon it. (As it should be!!) But even as Latter Day Saints, do we even know what faith REALLY is?? I sure didn’t 6 months ago. Sure, faith is believing that God and Jesus Christ live and that Jesus died for us.
But for some of us, that is basic knowledge. For me, it is. Faith for me is now a lot deeper. Faith for me means that i have the trust that the future is going to be okay. And not in a really general way of speaking either. But really, really knowing that coming home from my mission with no job and no money and no plans, with an illness and no car, that I’d be okay.
I made sure that before I went home that I KNEW I trusted in Him. I had to know, or I wouldn’t have done it. So prayed and promised my Heavenly Father that I would follow these promptings as long as he helped me do it, and that I trusted in him.
Guess what?? 2 days after I got home, I bought a car. I don’t know how I did that.
And I am finding ways to get a job, go back to school, and opportunities are opening up for me that I didn’t even think about before.
Is everything perfect? FLIP no. Seriously, my life has never been harder.
But I am happy 🙂
I am completely and utterly happy with my life right now 🙂 I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and that I will be okay 🙂 I am happy with my choices and I don’t care what anyone says. I know I am good with God, so I’m good with myself. And Satan (and anyone else who wants to say anything) can kindly suck on that.
So what’s the next step? Well, I am still working on that one.
But I really don’t think that I will be heading out on the mission. At least not at this point in time. I need to focus on some other things right now. But I am happy with my life, and I encourage everyone else to put their trust in Heavenly Father and find true, real happiness.
saying goodbye to my favorite people on earth
Well, this is it. I’m beginning a new, new chapter in my life, haha.
But I feel awesome about all of it, and I am ready to take on whatever this world wants to hit me with. 😉
Let me have it Satan, I can take you. 😉