wanderlust and answers to prayers (or lack of)

BEWARE: I am the most indecisive person on the planet. So if bouncing from idea to idea bothers you… Ya might wanna click away… Now.

Lately all I want to do is travel. Well… Okay… I admit. Not just lately. All the time.

I guess since the mish I have been battling two things: what I want to do with my life, and what I SHOULD do with my life. Maybe they are one and the same, but only one person knows that. And He is sometimes really quiet about the way he tells us those things, darn it! ๐Ÿ˜‰

But in the space of 11 months of living down here in the Arizona heat, I have bounced from plans to move to Phoenix, UVU in Provo, USU in Logan, back on the mission, BYUI in Rexburg, and even doing an International Language Program in the Dominican Rep or China!!

I keep praying about these things and keep feeling nothing. So I decided to make a choice. I figured none of these are BAD choices… Right? So if I’m not supposed to do something, maybe I’ll feel a no instead of sitting here waiting for a yes.

I decided to go to USU. And my plan worked! It was a no. Nothing worked out once I got accepted there, and I mean nothing. 

So…. Process of elimination..? H.F. really wants me to learn this stuff on my own, doesn’t he? 

Sooo…. Plan B. After careful planning, a father’s blessing, and money management…. I decided on heading back to BYUI. Logically it made the most sense. Cheapest college with a great visual design program. 

But let me just say this. (No offense to my Rexburg loving friends!) i hated my time in Rexburg. It was the worst semester of my life and the last thing I want to do is go back there. That being said… If Heavenly Father has plans for me there, I am willing to go back to Rexburg. I know things will be different if I go back, and I know what I want to study. I have faith if there is a plan Heavenly Father has for me, it will work out if I move forward without doubt. 

BUT. Even as i approached BYUI with faith, I felt nothing. I didn’t feel bad, just nothing. But as I have been moving forward with my Rexburg plans, I have been just puzzled with my lack of emotion towards anything I have chosen. Maybe I can’t hear the spirit? Maybe I just am doubting too much? Maybe I am trying too hard to do what Heavenly Father wants when he just wants me to do what makes ME happy?

That last thought has been the most pressing lately. The only thing that gets me excited is the prospect of travel. I get tingly just imagining it. I love it. I am in love with other cultures and serving people. So right now I am kind of about to take a risk. 

I applied last night for the International Language Program… to go to the Dominican Republic for the fall semester. Because it is the only thing I want to do right now! And I am focusing on becoming happy with my life and my choices right now. I need to do this for me… And if Heavenly Father has something else in store as I go through this… He will let me know… And I’m still listening ๐Ÿ˜‰

Jeez. Adulthood, man. 


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